| Randomness |
[Nov. 26th, 2009|06:26 am] |
So I dejectedly muttered that I didn't think I was doing a good enough job in front of one of the bosses. That seemed to have freaked him out a tiny bit. I'm happy that he's happy, but I honestly think I can do a better job. I wish I could learn things faster--I'm really intimidated by the brainpower I see all around me and I feel stupid most of the time.
Mama wanted me to go into medicine instead because it's a much less male-dominated field. She thought it would be too hard to "...compete with the boys..." as she calls it. Maybe it's just my obstinate nature, but the more anyone tells me something is too hard for me, the more I want to do it. This aspect of my personality is probably what led me to wind up working from 7am to 9:30pm on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. |
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| Is this thing still on? |
[Nov. 20th, 2009|11:21 pm] |
Is this thing still on???
Sigh...so I've been getting really hammered at work. I can't really blame anyone--I knew what I was getting myself into and the bosses work way harder than I do. Actually I feel kind of bad that I can't be more of a help because I'm young and inexperienced. I think they view me as an investment--at least I hope they do. Otherwise I cannot conceive of any other reason to keep me around other than the fact that I'm a total spaz and can provide hours of entertainment that way. |
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| My face in a book |
[Jun. 6th, 2009|08:37 pm] |
Facebook is a source of confusion for me. I generally don't solicit anyone to be a friend because frankly I don't think I have anything particularly interesting to say. I am, however, quite willing to accept friend requests from anyone who has spoken more than 3 complete sentences to me in real life. But then I get requests from people in high school who never spoke to me at all as far as I can remember. I just leave their requests sitting in my queue like little lumps of social awkwardness.
My undergraduate years were over before Facebook became popular, and my graduate years were spent mostly in the company of foreign students who didn't use it. So most of my Facebook friends are people I knew in high school. That's kind of sad. And I need to get out of the house more often.
I also suppose I'm being an secretive bastard for not uploading any recent photos of myself. For one thing, I really am a secretive bastard. But more importantly, people have told me I am quite different from even just 4 years ago. I was conscious of this gradual change. And in some ways I sought to evolve. I'm still growing up so I don't see why I have to remain exactly like I was when I turned 18 or 21. But there seems to be societal pressure to remain the same or you might be viewed as trying to be someone you are not. If people who have known me for only 4 years are asking what the hell happened to me, I cringe at what people in high school might think. But Facebook friends should be real friends so it should all be cool, right? But no, it feels very awkward...maybe because I am awkward...some things never change. |
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| Music Musings |
[Apr. 7th, 2009|08:23 pm] |
I've been listening a lot of Pandora internet radio lately. I was reminded how nifty Frankie Valli & The Four Seasons were after seeing some clips of "Jersey Boys" on Youtube. Somehow I ended up listening to Buddy Holly and thinking about how he died again. If you read interviews given by his widow, you find out he proposed to her on the first date and married her about two weeks later. They were only married 6 months before he died. She remarried and had kids later in life, but I can't even imagine how her second husband could have lived up to that.
Neil Tennant of the Pet Shop Boys has maintained his voice extraordinarily well all these years. He has a lovely sound--I'm not at all a fan of raspy or hoarse singers. Their new single "Love, Etc" is catchy and witty.
Somehow I also have Lady Gaga's "Poker Face" in my brain. Maybe the less said of that the better, but I'm actually truly entertained by her outrageous space alien drag queen fashion sense. |
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| Right............ |
[Jan. 30th, 2009|07:45 pm] |
I've noticed I've done pitifully little writing lately. This lack of activity makes me worried something inside of me is dying as I settle into the the daily work grind--as if I'm starting my slow but steady march towards crazy old cat-ladyhood.
I was looking though some of my old writing journals last night and spotted a question I had scrawled:Is it better to have a piece of crap or no crap at all? My writing journals mostly hold rough outlines of character traits, bits of cutesy dialogue, and family trees. Yet whenever I start sketching out any real plot, you'll see the margins suddenly littered with caustic comments directed towards myself. I hate trite, overused plot devices. But I have difficulty thinking up any sort of interesting action in a story that doesn't involve a character getting murdered. Somehow, I can only think up trite, overused plot devices.
Am I being too harsh? Writing ought to be fun--that's why I do it. So maybe I should stop over-analyzing so much. I should just go ahead and write some cockamamie thing--something--before being worried about whether it might be any good. The thing is, I have a tendency to quit writing if I get overwhelmed by the sense that a story is turning out stupid. So I'm eternally waiting for an un-stupid idea to finally hit me. But maybe I'm going about it wrong. Maybe I should start with stupid and rewrite it to be..uh...only mildly retarded.
I'd like to write a story that weird, non-mainstream young girls would want to read. A book I would want to read--I'm my own damn audience! I suppose it's a pipe dream of any writer to get published (real published, not fakey vanity published). But I doubt cranky, snarky girls like me form much of a market. |
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| Modern Classics |
[Nov. 22nd, 2008|07:23 pm] |
I wonder which contemporary novels will be held as literary masterpieces 50 years in the future. Dickens was wildly popular in his day, but I don't know if any of his fellow Victorians actually believed his work would be studied by schoolchildren more than a 100 years in the future. Conversely, The Great Gatsby was sort of a flop when first published. That book and its author were ignored for many decades: when the Fitzgerald daughter first wanted to donate her father's manuscripts to his alma mater, Princeton, she was refused. Princeton basically told her they didn't have room to store the work of every has-been graduate. Of course, now most people can't graduate high school without encountering the book.
I think some of Updike's Rabbit work may soon reach the level of a literary masterpiece. I suppose Tolkien is already regarded as such. But I always thought his work was more admirable for sheer scope and richness of setting rather than singular beauty. Toni Morrison and Alice Walker, yes. Do you think Crichton or Stephen King will be read 100 years from now? How about the Harry Potter series? They damn better not be teaching "Twilight" in the English classes of the future. Anne Rice's first vampire book is still worth reading though--you know, before she ran out of ideas and cannibalized her own work. Amy Tan's work never really did much for me even though you'd think I'd be the right audience. It's a little too old so and the characters are much too well off, so it's not exactly my immigrant experience. |
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| I know I'm getting old.... |
[Nov. 14th, 2008|09:10 pm] |
I have a weakness for vampire stories. And I'd probably be a goth girl if I weren't too lazy and cheap to dress the part. So you'd think I'd be part of the target audience for "Twilight." But no, I think it's a giant Mary-Sue story. I hate stories when the boy is uber-perfect and the girl he falls in love with is just your normal everyday sort of girl, perhaps somehow "gifted" in a way that required no real effort on her part. People point to "Pride and Prejudice" as the first sort of romance story involving the "perfect" man and a female character with whom the audience can identify. But Lizzie Bennet was wickedly intelligent and sharp. She read a lot and developed her mind to the extent her place and time allowed. And Darcy, though rich and well-bred, behave really badly at times. So no comparing to P&P--I got Jane's back.
I think if I were 10 years younger, I might have been a fan of "Twilight." But I'm old now, having weathered so many disappointments when books, movies, tv series, and anime have let me down in terms of content. I don't drink anyone's Kool-Aid easily. |
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| Whee or Wii? |
[Nov. 10th, 2008|07:49 pm] |
Um...so I bought a Wii. Amazon had them in stock today (for a few hours). Free shipping and no sales tax. I emailed Mama afterwards, hoping she'd tell me to cancel the order because buyers' remorse and I are good friends. She told me to stop being so damn cheap.
So now I have to figure out what games to get. I think "Okami" looks supercool. I love "The World Ends With You" on the DS, so I'm hoping it will be similar. "Boom Blox" and "DeBlob" have good reviews and seem to be overlooked gems. "Lego Indiana Jones" and "Lego Batman" are getting all the attention--but ouch, $50?!? And they looks lot like platformers which makes me nervous. I still haven't beaten the last two levels of "New Super Mario Bros." on DS. So even though "Super Mario Galaxy" gets all the best reviews, I'm afraid I'll never finish it. I also would never finished "Phantom Hourglass" without a walkthrough so I'm equally hesitant about "Twilight Princess."
Harvest Moon: Tree of Tranquility looks so cute, but the last HM game I played I kept saying to myself, "This is so repetitive and retarded yet I can't stop!" I don't know if MySims would be any better. At least HM had a definite goal unlike "Animal Crossing." I'm also wary about any Lara Croft games because I get motion sickness from the spinning camera angles.
Why, yes, I am the weakest and whiniest gamer in the world! |
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| Insider info |
[Nov. 6th, 2008|10:37 pm] |
It's all very interesting to watch the post-election political process. I have to admit that I've been really apathetic about presidential politics for many years due to continued disappointments. Prior to that I couldn't vote and didn't pay any attention at all. So it's all very fascinating now to read about the wheeling and dealing that goes on in the Senate and White House as reported by the Newsweek. Particularly amusing are the stories about profane and feisty Rahm Emmanuel who Obama named as Chief of Staff. If I could be so flippant as to disregard the vital importance of what goes on in the White House, I would call the whole thing the best 24 hour reality show around.
I also frequent news boards that have a largely female audience. And most of them think Rahm is hot. Yes, most women's minds work like that.....sigh. |
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| Growing old |
[Sep. 17th, 2008|12:51 am] |
I haven't drawn or written anything in ages. I'm too tired after work and there's so much to take care of at the apartment. This worries me because I hate to think the rest of my life will be a dream deferred. I hope it's just due to a recent lack of inspiration and a new found fascination with my PS2.
It's also not exactly comfortable to drawn and write around here. I'm moving again next month and am still living out of cardboard boxes. I don't even have a table--I'm using the kitchen counter for everything. |
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| Yes, I'm still alive |
[Sep. 14th, 2008|01:34 am] |
Yes, I'm still alive. After 10 years (!) I finally moved out of the dorm and into an apartment. Transitioning into the so-called "normal" life has been kind of weird. (Imagine having a whole full sized refrigerator to oneself!) I leased an apartment in an expensive building because it's close to the subway station and a main intersection so it's relatively safe for me to walk home alone at night.
Since my dorm building shut down, I was given the dorm PlayStation 2 and the one game they had. The dorm bought the machine nearly 4 years yet only owned one game because no one ever used it. At least it's a DDR game, all of which I like. I even ordered a Cobalt Flux metal dance platform. Mama wants to play DDR at home too so it looks like I'll have to set her up with the PS2 + memory card + game + platform soon. I also bought Kingdom Hearts II. I've never played any Final Fantasy game or even KH:I before, but all this battling is really kind of getting dull and repetitive since it's essentially a test of how fast I can mash the X button. I did like the graphics and imagery quite a bit though--particularly the "Mulan" world, parts of "Twilight Town," "Halloween Town," and the stained-glass staircase depicting Sora and the Keyblade. I also bought Tomb Raider: Legend.
That shiznit is hard.
I like the scenery of the ruins and stuff, but it's no fun getting stuck all the time. Plus the camera always makes me nauseous after a while.
I think my favorite game of late is The World Ends With You on Nintendo DS. You actually have to have some strategy about exactly how you give beat downs instead of mashing buttons. In fact, you don't need to touch the buttons at all during the game (which I love!) Plus the voice acting is top notch--I was ready to knock that prissy boy upside his head at the end. While I beat the game within a week, it actually takes a long while before you can acquire all the items and unlock the unlocks to beat the bosses at a high level setting.
Professor Layton and the Curious Village was great, but so short. I finished in two days and there is no replay value after the solving the puzzles.
I appreciate all the work and thought that went into making Phantom Hourglass. But I only got through it with the aid of a walkthrough. There's also not that much replay value.
I still haven't beaten the last two levels of New Super Mario Bros. Platformers are hard....for me at least.
Animal Crossing: Wild World is cute but gets kind of boring and sedate after a while. I dislike how it runs in pseudo-real time though.
To buy next: the next Professor Layton game, Hotel Dusk, Clubhouse Games, DDR Extreme 2, Lego Batman, Lego Indiana Jones, Katamari Damancy or We ♥ Katamari.
Maybe also a Wii so I can play Harvest Moon: Tree of Tranquility, and Okami. Too bad none of the metal DDR pads are currently compatible with the Wii though.
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| Reunion |
[May. 25th, 2008|03:15 pm] |
I'm debating whether or not to go to my high school reunion. Partially because of the long distance I have to travel, the lack of acceptable living quarters back home (long story), and well, the fact that I keep referring to the place as "...in the middle of nowhere" whenever prompted for a description. But what really rattles me how I'm now quite a bit different from the person everyone remembers. I'm not sure if I care to be reminded of the change. There's a reason I have never uploaded any recent photos of myself. And yet there is that bothersome urge to show, just a little maybe, what kind of polish and poise a complete education here can give the most awkward of geeks. If the teachers are there, that would be nice so they can tell me if I've fulfilled their expectations. I want to see my biology, physics, and English teachers the most. I'd like to write to them and send them a graduation announcement. Maybe the school has a forwarding address?
Also, another reason to stay away from commencement: I'm afraid I will cut the people who were unkind to me. I'll leave it up to you to decide if I mean that in a 19th century English figurative sense or a literal pocket switchblade sense. |
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| Cartoon Network |
[Apr. 19th, 2008|10:20 pm] |
I like watching "Chowder" on Cartoon Network. It reminds me of the Richard Scarry books I used to read. It like shows that create a whole little fictional world. Plus it's amusing in it's bizarreness but luckily without the often annoying, grating quality like in "Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends" that stems from Bloo. Some critics compared "Chowder" unfavorably with Spongebob. But I get exhausted watching Spongebob mostly because I identify more with Squidward.
The kid who does the voice of Chowder is really quite good. Too bad there are only 12 episodes now although their contract was renewed so there should be 40 episodes. Hope they get them done before his voice changes. |
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| multi-cultural |
[Apr. 4th, 2008|11:34 pm] |
I know as a college kid in Boston I'm suppose to be all liberal, interested in multi-culturalism, and a good ambassador to all the foreign students living in the dorm.
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But screw it. I'm damn tired of finding the toilet plunger in the kitchen sink and laundry baskets being used as dish racks. |
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| Fun with a pencil! |
[Mar. 30th, 2008|04:56 pm] |
Wacom has expanded their line of Cintiq drawing tablets. Now they offer smaller sizes selling for $1000 and $2000 to complement their $2500 mac daddy version. I always said that once I get out of school and get settled in the 9 to 5 world, I'd get me one of those tablets. But I hate drawing small and my vision is weak so I'd rather save up for the big one rather than settle for it's lesser siblings. It doesn't escape my notice, however, that maybe buying expensive gadgets is just compensating for the fact that I'm a mediocre artist with a passable but dull, workman-like style at best. $2500 could buy me about 250 hours worth of various lessons at the Museum of Fine Arts. Perhaps it would be most prudent first investment to make.
.....Of course, I still need to turn in my thesis first....sigh. |
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| The used book sale |
[Mar. 29th, 2008|08:01 pm] |
There was used book sale at one of my labs last week. It was for charity. I got several books over the week, but I really hauled big on the last day where you could stuff a shopping bag full for $1. Some reviews:
"Forever" by Judy Blume: I got this on the last day since there was still room in my bag. I've never read it and wanted to see what the big fuss is all about. People who want to ban this book say that it's a how-to manual for teenage sex. Well, they're right in that the book is a manual because it's so boring and insipid. There's nothing really to show how the two teenagers fall in love or out of love. Flat, dull, shallow--I'm surprised it became so notable.
"Mr. Parker Pyne, Detective" by Agatha Christie: This a cute set of short stories focusing on a retired statistician who has a near omniscience due to his experience with statistics and habits of people. But I wouldn't exactly call these detective stories--a lot of them are more like O. Henry stories with a twist at the end. It's a charming read and I'm glad to have met Mr. Pyne, but he offers no real competition to Mr. Poirot and Miss. Marple.
"My Family and Other Animals" by Gerald Durrell: Yes, yes, I read this in high school, but I couldn't help stuffing it in my bag on the last day. It's just as charming as I remember it to be. I can scarcely recall any of the Dickens I read in high school (he has a cartoony, ham fisted approach to writing which I never much respected), but I can remember this book as clear as a bell. There are a lot of simple childhood delights in looking at animals and plants.
"The Cat Who Turned On and Off" by Lillian Jackson Braun: I've always been intrigued by these paperback books on the supermarket rack but never bothered to look inside them....because they were on the supermarket rack. There's a whole series of "The Cat Who..." books with cute little paw prints over the cover. Apparently they're about a middle-aged investigative reporter and his two Siamese cats. The cats are cute, but they also get overused as a plot device when the main character needs a hint about clues. You either have to believe the cats are really helping him out or the main character has the greatest of dumb luck. It's an okay read--nothing compared to Christie, though.
"The House of the Seven Gables" by Nathaniel Hawthorne: I didn't like "The Scarlet Letter" when it was assigned to us in high school. It felt lethargic for some reason. Back then, I greatly preferred this other book of his even though I had to read it outside of school time. I liked its sense of mystery, danger, gentle romance, and general weirdness. (The guy professes his love when here is a dead body in the next room!)
I also got "The Awakening", "Bleak House", "Nicholas Nickleby" (Dickens isn't a favorite, but hey, $1 for a whole bag!), "Daisy Miller", "A Year in Provence," and "The Egoist" (which I've never heard of but it wittiness and ironic tone looks promising). I passed on "Wuthering Heights" because it's damn depressing. Plus I've harbored a deep seated dislike for the Brontes ever since I discovered their slander of Austen. I also passed on "The DaVinci Code," "Angela's Ashes," and a couple of other modern bestsellers. I was hoping to score some more Austen (I only own "Pride and Prejudice", "Emma", and "Mansfield Park") since reading on a computer screen is tiring. But alas, there was none to be had. |
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| Dying computer |
[Feb. 25th, 2008|01:30 am] |
My cursor has developed an annoying habit of skipping across the screen. It's not a problem with the actual mouse but rather some other hardware or software glitch. In any case, the computer is taking its last gasps of air--I can't even turn off the darn thing without considerable trepidation that it will fail to boot up next time. I'll have to put off getting a new one though. Money isn't really the issue, but I'll likely be moving this summer and do not want an additional item to cart around. But once I do finally get my own place, you can be quite sure that my new computer will be--in the language of the hoi polloi--"tricked up and pimped out." Seriously, I think I'll spend more on my computer than my first car--why would I bother spending so much on a car if it might get stolen?
I've cataloged all my different story ideas on one sheet of paper for easy reference and comparison. What I find incredibly lame about many shoujo manga-ka is that they pretty much use the same characters over and over again. Shinjo Mayu even writes pretty much the same story all the time. Watase Yuu lacks the ability to draw a main male protagonist that doesn't look like Tamahome. I want my characters to be distinct. Maybe it's rather silly to develop all my stories in parallel rather than sequentially, but I can think of no better way to guarantee that they will indeed be different. I suppose I write because I want something I would like to read. None of my stuff will or should matter to anyone else, but I can't tolerate reading only slight variations of the same story. |
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| The Diss Miss |
[Feb. 21st, 2008|12:44 am] |
I tend to be a bit obsessive compulsive about my LJ icons. Or maybe a better way to say it would be that I'm highly critical about the icons I make and tend to edit and re-edit them with disturbing frequency and concentration until I finally give up in exhaustion. I'm not a very good icon maker by far, but my own damnable pride prevents me from using icons made by others. Like I always say, it might be crap but at least it's my crap.
I suppose, that pretty much sums up my attitude towards all my creations: highly dismissive but grudgingly affectionate. So I wonder how well my creative writing skills have aged all these years. I haven't really sat down to craft an entire story since I was a child and even then I would have been mortified if anyone would have read them. I always say I'll draw and write again when I'm done with school, but I am skeptical of how much I'll actually get done before the realization of the true banality of my creations leaves me disgusted and unable to proceed. Well, either that or I become obsessive compulsive about improving everything for a little while until I pitch my computer out the window in a fit of madness. |
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| :( |
[Feb. 12th, 2008|03:08 pm] |
'Tis a sad day when people can't even muster up the attention to read normal Cliffs Notes:
:( |
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